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W i t a n d A d v i c e .continues...

The North-East
South-West thing:
Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End. Eastie is East Boston. The North End is east of the West End. The West End and Scollay Square are no more - a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.

Things you should know:
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new). Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93. It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies if they're losing), the Seltz, the Broons. The underground train is not a subway. It's the T, and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).

Getting around:
Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on WaterStreet.
Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley,Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D.
If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill.
If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
All avenues are properly referenced by their nicknames: Comm Ave, Mass Ave, Dot Ave. Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. Readville doesn't exist.

How we know you weren't bon heah:
You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.You cross at a crosswalk.You ask directions to "Cheers." You order a grinder and a soda. You follow soccer. You eat at Durgin Park. You pronounce it "Worchester" or "Glouchester". You call it "COPEly" Square.

>> next:> Wit and Advice continues...

W i t a n d A d v i c e .continues...
When we say / we mean... bizah = odd flahwiz = roses, etc. hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour Hahwahya? = How are you? khakis = what we staht the cah with pissah = superb retahded = silly shewah = of course wikkid = extremely yiz - you, plural popcahn - popular snack Things not to do: Don't call it Beantown. Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville (Somerville). Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you. Don't sleep in the Common. Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.	Definitions: Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't. If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. Soda is club soda. Pop is Dad. When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonicWATER. The smallest beer is a pint. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish. If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod. It's not a water fountain, it's a bubblah. It's not a trash can, it's a barrel. It's not a shopping cart, it's a carriage. It's not a purse, it's a pockabook. Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans. They're not franks, they're haht dahgs. Franks are money in France.
AND..."You might be from New Hampshire if...">>>>

W i t a n d A d v i c e ..for our visitors...

You know you're from Boston if...

1. You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
2. You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
3. You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
4. You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
5. All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.
6. You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting,"
7. Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
8. You don't think you have an attitude.
9. You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk,"
11. When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
13. You have no idea what the word compromise means.
14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
15. You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
16. You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic & stubborn.
17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something, or are from out of town.
18. Your favorite adjective is "wicked,"
19. You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.
20. You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.

>> next:> Wit and Advice continues...

W i t a n d A d v i c e ..for our visitors...

AND...You might be from New Hampshire if...

...you can name all four seasons ...but definitely if they are Tourist, Foliage, Ski and Mud.
...you own flannel shirts ,,,but definitely if you wear one with a tie.
...you know the back roads ,,,but definitely if you drive them to avoid the toll booth.
...you own a pickup truck ...but definitely if the truck is 4-wheel drive, has a gun rack, a plow on the front and a dog in the back.
...you attend church suppers ,,,but definitely if that's considered a night out on the town.
...you live in a white cape ...but definitely if there is a picket fence, a garden in back, a woodpile somewhere, appliances on the front lawn, and a rusty pick-up pushed into the woods.
...you say "Ames-es" ,,,but definitely if you do all your shopping there.
,,,you read the Union Leader ...but definitely if you believe it.
,,,you know everyone in town ,,,but definitely if they're all related to you.
,,,you go to the dump on Saturday ,,,but definitely if you leave with more than what you brought.
...you change the oil in your car yourself ,,,but definitely if you pour it into the fenders and the doors when you're done.
,,,you buy a ticket to the fireman's ball ...but, definitely if you actually attend.
,,,you carry a beeper ,,,but definitely if the only time it goes off is when there's a fire in town.
...your uncle is the chief of police ,,,but definitely if he's also the road agent, dog catcher, dump keeper, town clerk and a selectman.

—special thanks to Jim Campbell, Londonderry, NH


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